The bird in a cage
By Ricardo Edghill 

Everyone always  used to tell me get over it stop ting of it let it go and laugh. i hated speaking to those type of people of all. Those are the people that have gone above and beyond experiences and are bold and confident but for some reason can sit in your shoes. these people  project themselves onto you

Believe me i hate reliving my past and i wish i could wipe it clean from my mind. waking up every day tired. no privacy everyone knows your business.  The TRUTH is always spoken to you. You can't change you must change, yes as confusing as it sounds it's what's said. You can't do this. Your a Pussy you can't fight. i thought when i got older all of it would go away but it just haunts me still, i sued to fight it growing up it was a bit easier to manage but as i get older it's like a weight holding me down saying you can't do anything.

i grew up with the notion that i could not do anything, i always needs someone to help me, i'm not smart i'm dumb , i can't draw stop drawing. Don't sing because you can't being in that setting for 25 years it's breaking  me and after 4 years two weeks away from that environment reentering it caused so much harm  to my thinking  now that i live alone. i have massive self doubt, i have major trust issues, emotional problems that i'm trying solve on my own, and preventing myself from feeling like i'm worthless.

When ever i pick a game, i could always here My Fucking brother and my dumb cousins labeling me. Always defending myself and knowing that i felt alone. i wanted to have a family to get away but i'm the bird in a cage, the bars is my past the key is letting it go for good

9/26/14

 this is my first post, i'm writing to say much life sucks. i'm a hard worker but it's always not enough. lately i haven't been feeling like myself since the whole getting kicked out of  my house, jobs are being stupid and don't want to hire me. i've looked for two years and now i truly feel like giving up.i'm soon to be a college graduate in New York and have tons of problems. My friends suck cause there very selfish and don't care. weither they have free time or not there always busy. i want a freaking job dam i can find nothing in NewYork that's equivent to a stable and satifying life ( disregard the errors and grammar, this is a journal post free writing  )